Kick Mom Guilt to the Curb

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about mom guilt—how quietly it creeps in, how loud it can feel once it’s there, and how often it shows up when we’re just trying to do our best. I hear it in therapy sessions, in conversations with friends, and yes, in my own head too.

If you’re in the thick of it, you’re not alone. Mom guilt is powerful—but it’s not the whole story. As part of my process of writing Employed Motherhood, I gathered a handful of strategies that help soften its grip. These aren't one-size-fits-all solutions, but they’re tools worth trying. See what resonates and give yourself permission to let the rest go.

Self-compassion:

Guilt can eat you alive. Forgive yourself before guilt develops into something even more destructive. You deserve kindness and compassion instead of harsh internal self-talk for your choices or circumstances. When thoughts intrude like: "I'm a bad mom, I’m a bad friend, I’m a bad employee or boss," try to gently remind yourself all of the ways you are showing up in each of those roles.

Cling to your values:

Create a list of your values and prioritize your behavior/decision making accordingly. If you value spending quality time outdoors with your family, block out a time on the weekend to ensure it happens. If volunteering or household maintenance are a lower on the priority list, then those activities should occur after quality time outdoors. Practice a commitment to living your value system!

You’ll want to revisit your list of values often (post a copy on your fridge) as well as setting boundaries.

Remember, this is about practice, not perfection.

Positively affirm:

Develop a set of positive affirmations and memorize them (or keep a list in your phone) for times when negative self-talk takes over.

"I am a perfectly good enough mom."

"My best is enough."

"I have done hard things before. I can do them again."

Hide. Unfollow. Repeat.

If social media highlight reels (which are not reality by the way) bring you to tears or you find that a particular person or group consistently triggers you, give yourself permission to hide, unfollow, or block. You get to choose what you consume. Consume what builds you up and helps you feel connected to that person, group, or community.

Your outlook matters 

Keep perspective that you will never abdicate your place as your child's mother. No one can replace you. Children will not grow up and fault you for not having the "perfect" this-or-that.

What children most remember is how they feel, and if there was connection.

Lean into the positive and breathe out the guilt.

Ask for (and accept) help

I learned this lesson after my second pregnancy, and oh how I wish I had asked for – and accepted – help sooner.

It takes a village to raise a child, and trying to "do it all" will only lead to exhaustion and burn-out.

Ask for help, start a trend amongst your family, friends, and neighbors and everyone wins. You’ll give back when you can.

Interested in learning more? Check out Employed Motherhood at the link below.