After the Negative Test: So Now What?
If you enjoy the podcast, please consider following and leaving a brief review. Your support will help us continue to fulfill our mission of bringing unique perinatal perspectives to a larger audience, so that we can all continue to lift one another up.
LISTEN ON: APPLE | SPOTIFY
Episode Notes
When infertility treatments end without the family you hoped for, how do you begin again?
In this deeply compassionate episode, Lana Manikowski, infertility advocate, coach, and host of The So Now What Podcast, shares her seven-year journey through unexplained infertility — a story marked by emotional exhaustion, self-blame, and the eventual discovery of purpose beyond motherhood.
Lana opens up about the hidden toll of IUI and IVF, the silence that follows failed cycles, and the grief that often goes unrecognized in women who are childless after infertility. Together, we discuss how to cultivate self-compassion, reclaim identity, and create a meaningful life even when things don’t go as planned.
This episode is a gentle invitation to anyone navigating life after loss, offering both validation and hope.
Topics Discussed
Lana’s seven-year journey with unexplained infertility and repeated IVF attempts
The emotional, physical, and financial impact of fertility treatment
The cycle of self-blame and internalized guilt around infertility
Finding compassion and learning to trust yourself again
Why post-treatment support and mental health care are so vital
The lack of emotional resources in fertility clinics — and how that can change
Navigating the transition to a childless life with intention and meaning
How advocacy, storytelling, and community can help heal
Creating new narratives and celebrating self-worth beyond parenthood
“There was a lot of guilt and shame for feeling jealousy towards my friends who were having kids and not wanting to go to their baby showers or other birthday parties for their kids, and even buying presents for their kids’ birth. And I thought, my God, like, am I going to spend the rest of my life being this person who just can’t be happy for other people?”
Show Notes
Podcast Introduction (00:00:29)
Introduction to the podcast, its mission, and host Becky Morrison Gleed.
Guest Introduction and Personal Background (00:01:01)
Lana shares her background, marriage, and initial assumptions about fertility.
Realization and Diagnosis (00:02:38)
Lana recounts the moment she realized there might be a problem and her diagnosis of unexplained infertility at 37.
Fertility Journey Overview (00:03:56)
Summary of her seven-year journey through various fertility treatments without success.
Explaining Unexplained Infertility (00:04:30)
Lana explains what an "unexplained infertility" diagnosis means and the lack of identifiable causes.
Partner Testing and Emotional Impact (00:04:55)
Discussion of her husband’s testing, a vivid memory, and feelings of self-blame.
Internalized Blame and Self-Compassion (00:05:26)
Lana describes her internal soundtrack of self-blame and the importance of self-compassion.
Advice for Others Experiencing Blame (00:06:41)
Lana offers advice to others feeling self-blame during infertility.
Preserving Energy and Trusting the Process (00:07:37)
Tips for maintaining energy and stability, and trusting medical professionals during the journey.
Letting Go of Regret and Self-Judgment (00:09:18)
Lana discusses releasing regret and self-judgment, and recognizing personal effort.
Forgiveness and Self-Recognition (00:10:25)
The importance of forgiving and celebrating oneself for enduring the journey.
Assessment and Diagnostic Journey (00:11:57)
Lana describes the process from realizing a problem to consulting a fertility clinic.
Diagnostic Testing Experiences (00:13:10)
Details of the extensive diagnostic tests, including bloodwork and emotional exhaustion.
Realization of Limits and Resourcefulness (00:14:12)
Lana reflects on her inability to "solve" infertility despite her resourcefulness and connections.
Isolation and Lack of Support (00:15:59)
Lana discusses the isolation of infertility, lack of support, and unfamiliarity with the diagnosis.
Navigating Online Communities (00:16:44)
Her experience with online infertility communities and learning new terminology.
Lack of Psychological Support (00:18:02)
Lana highlights the absence of ongoing mental health support during her fertility treatments.
Psychological Impact and Global Perspective (00:19:03)
Discussion of the psychological trauma of infertility and its global prevalence.
Coping with Diagnosis and Isolation (00:20:00)
Lana shares feelings of isolation after diagnosis and difficulty relating to friends with successful treatments.
Self-Trust and Compassion (00:21:14)
Lana discusses the challenge of self-trust and the need for self-compassion during infertility.
Building Self-Trust and Affirmation (00:23:00)
Practical advice on self-recognition, mirror talk, and affirming oneself.
Recognizing Effort and Knowing When to Stop (00:25:16)
Lana emphasizes recognizing personal effort and learning when to stop treatments.
Communication and Boundaries with Partner (00:27:38)
Lana and her husband’s approach to making joint decisions and respecting boundaries in treatment.
IUI Experience (00:30:08)
Lana explains the IUI process, medications, and their experience with it.
Transition to IVF (00:31:24)
Lana describes moving from IUI to IVF after unsuccessful attempts.
IVF Process and Financial Strain (00:31:36)
Details of IVF cycles, medication costs, insurance limitations, and the physical/emotional toll.
IVF Procedures and Outcomes (00:33:52)
Lana explains the IVF procedures, embryo transfer, and lack of positive outcomes.
All-Encompassing Nature of IVF (00:35:33)
Discussion of how IVF takes over daily life, including medication schedules and travel.
Secrecy and Professional Concerns (00:38:10)
Lana discusses keeping her fertility journey secret due to fear of judgment and workplace discrimination.
Childlessness and Workplace Bias (00:40:13)
Lana reflects on workplace expectations and biases faced by childless women.
Decision to Discontinue Treatment (00:41:22)
Lana describes the process and emotions involved in deciding to stop fertility treatments.
Seeking New Options and Support (00:43:06)
Lana’s experience with a new clinic in Colorado and the impact of a supportive friend.
New Clinic Experience and Renewed Hope (00:45:31)
Lana details the new clinic’s approach, renewed hope, and the logistics of out-of-state treatment.
Cycle Cancellations and Final Embryo Testing (00:46:33)
Lana discusses canceled cycles, financial/emotional impact, and testing her last embryo.
Receiving Devastating News (00:47:40)
Lana recounts receiving the news that her last embryo was not viable and the loneliness that followed.
Lack of Post-Treatment Support (00:49:47)
Lana highlights the absence of support or resources after discontinuing treatment.
Advocacy and Need for Better Resources (00:52:28)
Lana’s motivation to advocate for better mental health resources for childless women after infertility.
Professional Training Gaps (00:54:41)
Discussion of the lack of training for reproductive endocrinologists in supporting patients’ emotional needs.
Transition to a New Life Chapter (00:56:41)
Lana describes the difficult transition after ending fertility treatments and the impact of the pandemic.
Rebuilding Self-Image and Healing (00:57:15)
Lana’s journey to reconnect with herself, her marriage, and her life after infertility.
Anger at Her Body and Healing Process (01:00:01)
Lana discusses anger at her body, working with a life coach, and learning to rewrite her story.
Finding Purpose and Starting Advocacy Work (01:02:17)
Lana’s realization that she could help others and her decision to start a podcast and coaching.
"So Now What?"—A New Perspective (01:02:58)
Lana reframes her life’s next chapter from despair to opportunity and growth.
Empowering Others and Investing in Healing (01:03:32)
Lana encourages others to invest in themselves and believe in their worth beyond parenthood.
Resources and Community for Childless Women (01:06:42)
Lana shares resources, her book, podcast, and the "Others Day Brunch" for childless women.
Closing and Gratitude (01:09:22)
Becky thanks Lana for her advocacy and work; closing remarks and contact information.
Podcast Outro and Resources (01:09:52)
Podcast outro with information on where to find more resources and how to connect.
Guest information
Lana Manikowski is a life coach, speaker, and host of The So Now What Podcast, based in Chicago, Illinois. After enduring years of infertility treatments that ended without the family she once envisioned, Lana discovered a new calling: to help women find happiness, purpose, and belonging after infertility.
Through her personal coaching programs, online community, and podcast, Lana provides a supportive space for women who feel left behind by traditional narratives of motherhood. Her compassionate approach helps women reclaim their confidence, rewrite their stories, and embrace lives filled with meaning — even when the dream of motherhood doesn’t come true.
Lana’s message is simple yet powerful: your life can still be extraordinary, even if it didn’t go as planned.
Resources
Website: lanamanikowski.com
Podcast: The So Now What Podcast (available on all major platforms)
Instagram: @lanamanikowski
Resource guide for childless women available via her website
Organizations and Support
RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association — resources and community for people living with infertility
Postpartum Support International (PSI) — peer and professional support for perinatal mental health
The Others Day Brunch — annual event celebrating childless women